Today when rushing to meet a friend, I leapt on the upcoming bus (yes, I can catch buses now! It wasn’t always this easy, I can tell you) and told the driver my destination while fumbling with change (I HATE counting change under pressure, don’t you?). I was responded to in what I perceived to be a patronising somewhat leerish manner, the bus driver then proceeded to give a knowing smile to his friend stood next to the ticket booth, his friend leered right back. He told me he’d given me a cheaper fare because I “smelled nice”, to which I put on my quietest and girliest voice and thanked him.

The feminist in me wanted to object, however my anxiety muffled any protests I may have had.  It was so frustrating, not just because I didn’t say anything to him about it, but becauseof the lack of resistance on my part, I just played right into the stereotype of a dizzy, silly little girl. Am I just being overly sensitive? Was the bus driver just being pleasant? I guess I’ll never know.

I’ve often been in such a situation as this. Not just when the act of condescension rears its ugly head, but when I hear someone saying something untrue or when I disagree with someone. I feel I really want to speak up and voice my opinion, set them right, but I fear the implications of doing so- it could lead to conflict, undoubtedly they’d retort with something and my mind would go blank.

Note: need to grow metaphorical spine.

Have you ever had a similar situation, where your anxiety forced you to hold your tongue?

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