Behold Seroxat. Hello suicidal thoughts, huge mood swings, and increased anxiety. Of course this was just my reaction to the drug, everyone reacts differently. These symptoms tend to last about one to two weeks until your body gets used to the chemical you’re frantically stuffing it with. For some people the benefits of SSRIs greatly outweigh the negatives that come with it. I don’t seem to be one of those people.

The second drug my doctor prescibed me was Zispin (mirtazapine), which is a NaSSA as I wasn’t reacting to SSRI. It was absolute hell. I actually felt like the living dead, and as it was a fairly strong sedative I slept for most of the day -not that I really cared, being very depressed at the time.

The third medication I tried, which I suggested to the doctor myself after I was told of a friend’s success with it, was another SSRI: Prozac. I’m not sure I went back to SSRIs, I think I was desperate and truely wanted to believe that it would work as well for me as it did for my friend.
However, Prozac seemed to do relatively little for me, except make me pass out when drunk. I should’ve heeded the ‘DO NOT DRINK WHILE TAKING PROZAC’ warnings on the pack.

During my trials with various medications I’d met with some kind of social counsellor (with my boyfriend, obviously) and she suggested to me methods of trying to allieviate my anxiety. Well, what she was telling me was more directed at stress and general anxiety- not… being scared of social situations.

It was after this that I gave up on medications all together.  This was impatience on my part, it does take a while to find the right medication for each of us but I just didn’t like the way they made me feel.

Speed up to present time, my anxiety and depression have both lessened, but not enough. I’m meeting with a psychotherapist tomorrow infact, in order to decide whether I should try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

For getting this far I have to thank: a sugarless diet (less moodswings), sunshine (less depression), making goals and working towards them, forcing myself to go out, alcohol (sometimes a life saver in social situations, I know it shouldn’t be) and exercise.

I am but a work in progress.

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