After building up courage to see the doctor and being knocked back, naturally I felt disheartened. I wanted to give up, because giving up was so much easier than my other options. I hid in my room for a few days, weeks…I don’t quite remember.

I spent a lot of time reading the social anxiety forum, a place where there are plenty of social anxiety veterans- people who’ve been struggling with this for over 20 years. I asked for their advice, and was told to try another g.p. and also to rewrite my little note, this time making a point and supporting it with evidence e.g. Social Anxiety is interfering with major life decisions: I chose a different university because the one I wanted to go to needed me to attend an interview.

It took me a while to get back in the right frame of mind, but I got there and again asked my boyfriend to make the arrangements. I didn’t feel quite as nervous, but that’s not to say the nerves weren’t there- I certainly felt them, I just didn’t feel like waving my arms around and running from the place, screaming like a madwoman.

This new doctor was much kinder towards me, much more understanding. We had a chat about my home life, how long I thought I’d had social anxiety and other similar topics.

He explained that I would definitely need to see the “mental health people” but instead of asking me to contact them, he sent off a reference and letter for me. He did say I was a little too young for medication, but explained that it would be difficult for me to see a mental health practitioner without it. He prescibed me an SSRI, the first port of call for most English doctors. I was prescribed a month’s worth of Seroxat, which, after leaving the doctor’s sugery, I clung to as my prize. My prize for being brave and facing the evil.

At this point, I was overjoyed at my success and assumed all of my problems would go away with this mystery drug. I’m sure most suffers of s.a. think that upon trying their first medication. To be in a situation dire enough to see a doctor to TALK about your problems, yes, to TALK, seemingly one of the things we are most afraid of, we need to be feeling pretty desperate in the first place to put ourselves through that.

More tomorrow: the SSRI Seroxat (Paxil), and the rest of the story.

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